Bismillah

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.
Ya Allah lancarkan lah simak UI hari minggu besok.
Ya Allah berikanlah kemudahan.
Ya Allah semoga nilai SBMPTN kemarin cukup buat masuk UI
Ya Allah semoga keterima di UI baik itu lewat SBMPTN atau di SIMAK
Ya Allah, lancarkan jalan berikan kemudahan untuk masuk UI
Aku mau buat mama papa bangga ya Allah, aku mau ringanin beban mereka.
Amin amin amin amin ya rabbal alamin.

Sugar-coated.

I can no longer decide which to believe and not to believe. 

Sometimes I shout out a question, and it's always this question: 'Do I ever mean anything to you?'

Because honestly, I don't think I ever do.

You were obviously were just giving out sweet-meaningless words which at that time I was too overwhelmed to realize.

How could you make a promise when you didn't really mean it?

I never meant to take your words seriously, but sometimes I have this feeling that you actually feel something. But then again you proved me wrong, and too bad, your words really like to stay in my head.

Just as I began to live without you, you decided to join in, and just as I'm starting to fall, you move. You didn't catch me the first time, nor the second time, let alone for the third time. Bet you never will.

And I bet, if I don't text you first, I wouldn't hear the phone ring.

Oh well.

Love.

Love is,

When you wanted to go to theater but turned out the theater had a very, i mean, VERY long queue, then you decided to cancel the plan and went to Gramedia instead. So you walked around Gramedia, examining every single aisle for about 2 hours and finally came out with just a set of mechanic pencil and 4 sharpies. Afterward, because you were carving for a cold drink you went towards JCo, but everything that you wanted happened to be not available. So you went to Dunkin Donuts, bought only 2 doughnuts because of financial limit, and got confused over drinks. You ended up sharing the drinks and doughnuts while having a pointless conversation about not-so-important topics, and playing with the spinning table. Suddenly you felt like buying a board game, monopoli. Of you went on a hunt for that monopoli, you found it and went home.

That, for me is love. 

When you do ordinary stuffs with your loved one, and you come home smiling and thinking that it was the best day ever.

Boys will always be boys

Spent my afternoon with the boys at Adam's place. Since Dwima was going to Plaza Semanggi, Dwipa had nowhere to go and he didn't want to go home either, so I asked him to come and join me with Adam. We weren't planning on going to Adam's place in the first place, but since Dwipa's place was too far and mine was no fun (at least for me) we decided to go to Adam's.

We basically did nothing. We were planning on covering songs but ended up being a lazy ass on the sofa. We watched videos on youtube, and laughed. We played guitar and sing, then laughed some more. I even fell asleep as the boys were on youtube being busy.

Then we ate dinner, bought some nasi uduk that Adam had been promising me for such a long time. We were so hungry we ordered a lot. But I was in no worry because I knew the boys would finish them all. Bought the nasi uduk home and we ate at Adam's with his mother watching us eating like pigs, why she didn't eat? Of course it was not because we didn't offer her, we did offer her the food but she refused, saying that she wasn't hungry.

After dinner, we laughed some more. We explored Adam's room and all of his stuffs. The boys ended up being crazy and as usual, I was always the one who laughed. No matter how stupid their jokes is or how dumb they are being.

No matter how old they are, boys are, and will always be boys. And I love them for that.
Thank you for the afternoon and evening, lads.
I've had some good laugh.

Bali Dance Performance

Sunday, 9 December 2012.

I finally finished my 4th Bali dance. After months and months of not coming to the practice, body aches after finally practicing for a couple of times, and struggling to remember every move and matching them with a very unusual beat of the Tabuh music.

I dance the Puspawresti dance on Sunday. Puspawresti means Flower rain in Bahasa. This dance is usually performed by a group of girls with a bowl of flowers and boys holding a spear in order to welcome the guests that come to their village.

While my little sister, ami, danced the Manukware dance. This is quite a funny and exciting dance, very fast in beat if I may say. Manukware dance tells the story of a group of birds who are playing around flying and stuffs. It was so fun seeing little girls jumping and running and dancing on the stage.

Thank you, Loves

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday happy birthday happy birthday to me!
Can you believe that I am no longer 17 now? I'm freakin 18 and somehow that scares me. I'm in no far of being 20. Life sure gone by so fast ya? Hm. But one of my friend said that it doesn't matter, what's really matter is that you enjoy your life to the fullest, and I agree.

Well, I turned 18 on Sunday, 11 November 2012, and I honestly never thought that my friends were going to do a wake-up-surprise for me. I was on the ugliest state of face and my pose really wasn't appropriate to be displayed but in they went to my room anyway. They were singing "Happy birthday" and I immediately woke up and buried my face in the pillow with none other reason but to hide my ugly after bed face. After they finished with the song I blew the candles on the Blueberry Cheesecake, I then went to hug my father who was apparently in charge of filming the surprise, he hugged me back and said "Happy birthday, beautiful." Tears started forming at the corner of my eyes but I held it back. After that I went to hug and to high-five my dearest friends and of course my lovingly sweet and caring boyfriend.

As life went on, we ended up at my dining table (after a few stops because of the hug attack from my little sisters). I cut the cake they brought me, the first cake definitely went to Papa, then Mama. My little sisters took the 3rd and 4th place. Adam came 5th and the rest I gave it to my friends with no particular order. The cake was delicious, but since I just wake up i couldn't eat much, I let my friends finish the rest of it.

My sweet indulging Blueberry Birthday Cheesecake!

The cake was gone, replaced by a big mountain of Nasi Uduk with sambal kacang, eggs, and fried chicken made by my mother. Oh mother you know me so well, I love you! My friends, who really really really loves to eat immediately went for a plate of everything.

After the meal, as he had promised me, Adam took his guitar and sang me songs. The first one was Little Things by One Direction. I absolutelybloodylutely in love with this song. The lyrics are just so touching and not exaggerating. One song down, 1 more to go. Next song was a sudden request for me, it was my song. The song that he wrote for me. It was overwhelmingly sweet, actually it was my 2nd anniversary gift from him. Isn't he a keeper? <3 p="p">

He's an amazing guitar player and believe it or not, he CAN sing :)

So that's it. I'm not gonna blabber much about my birthday. All i want to say that I thank all of you for the birthday wishes on bbm, for the birthday voice notes, for the birthday mentions on twitter, and for the birthday comments on facebook. I love you i love you i love you i love you all without exceptions.

Thank you, loves.
Hugs and kisses attack.
I'm 18 now :)

Goodbye.

People say that experience is the best teacher, but what if you never learn from it?

Been there done that.
First it was 3 years ago. I still remember how it made me feel, I still remember how I cried every time I had the chance to. I still remember how that was the worst valentine's day in my entire years I've lived in.

Then I got back up and live normally facing each day without thinking of anything that are related to you. But you came back. As much as I wanted to hate you I couldn't. So I gave up and I gave in. I have to admit that I loved the feeling, and just as I thought the magical moment vanished without any notices. Leaving nothing behind but me cursing myself of being such a fool.

I watched you came and left, in and out of so many beautiful souls and never have I dreamt of being greeted by you ever again.

It was my birthday, you finally decided to came back into my life, on my birthday. Once again, as much as I wanted to hate you I just couldn't do it. I don't exactly know why but though you've broken my heart so many times I keep feeling that excitement, happiness, and nervousness every time you greeted me. Every time.

It was sweet. It was every thing I could ask for except that we might not be destinied together. And you know how it ends right? Yes. Once again I'm making a fool out of myself for still hanging hopes too high. For actually hoping it would have a different ending this time.

To tell you the truth this is by far the most hurtful heart broken that I've ever felt. I'm not even kidding, neither do I joke. For the first time we shared our true feelings towards each other (though they are all still a bit vague because we don't really know what are the feelings called) and for the first time I let out all of my disappointments and it still ends badly.

You may not want to say goodbye, but I do.
Thank you for stopping by, it really means a lot for me. It was sweet, it was beautiful, and I feel so loved. I knew it would never worked out between us. I'm gonna be missing you, so much, and I'm not just saying. Then again, at the begging of this I told you not to pour salt in the old scar but yeah who am I kidding? It's not you without a handful of salt ready to be poured to the re-opened old wound.

Such lovely short time we had.